The Time Has Come

It's been a long 15 months since the death of my father and taking over the role as a caregiver to my ailing mother who is afflicted with Alzheimer's Disease. The road is not an easy one and I'm sure it will be a continual experience of ups an downs, but after personally getting away for a week of much needed rest and relaxation, taking the time to clear my head and find some peace of heart as well as mind over this matter, we, my siblings and I, are searching out alternative living arrangements for our Mother this weekend.

Our goal is to find a place that will give her a much better quality of life for her. One that she can feel welcomed and loved as well as nurtured through the progression of this disease that has robbed her memories of a life filled with hopes and dreams, joys and encouragement for all whom she has touched during her life as a wife, mother, grandmother and teacher and friend to so many.

I am in hopes of assurance for her, where she can feel secure and enjoy those who will bond with her in her state of confusion and restlessness. I want a place for her where when I come to visit her, the light is shining in her eyes and she is smiling again with joy of her new home and friends.

No this is not an easy decision for us, but this is not about "us". It's about her. We've come to the realization that we can no longer give her the kind of nurturing and care that she is reaching out for because we ourselves are spent and drained and weary from this task. It's so painful to be asked, "What's your name?", "Will you live with me so I won't be alone?" and my answer is always the same, "Yes Mom, I'm your daughter and yes, I am living with you."

My compassion is draining due to the daily routine of questions and insecurities she carries with her each morning, but it's still there, just not as strong as it was 15 months ago. My love for her will always reach the surface, but will it become resentment on down the road? I don't want it to become that feeling, not ever, but it's difficult to struggle with it day in and day out.

So yes Mom, we're going to find you that place where you can be secure, be cared for and be given a quality of life you are so very much deserving of in your days of living in the world of "I can't remember". Just know that it's from the deepest love that we have for you that we have come to this decision. I've been missing Mom for quite some time now but I'll always love her.

If you have a loved one that is afflicted with this disease, please help in finding a cure by just clicking the purple ribbon on the right side of my blog page please. A donation of $10 will be given to help find a cure. All you have to do is share the word. Thank you and many blessings to you and yours.