EVERYDAY CHALLENGES
I've only been a caregiver to my Mother since the death of my father last April of 2007. My world, as I knew it, was immediately turned topsy turvy after the family service and tending to the aftermath of such an event.
In today's society we all have stress levels in which we are battling just to survive and live a productive life. Since my life has changed directions in the middle of my journey, I have had to learn to adjust to the loss of a father and face the unknown of this disease that has inflicted my Mother and change my life of living from another state, leaving behind my husband, who is also a caregiver to his own ailing father, as well as keep my own sanity living in this situation. Mother became aggressive, verbally abusive after the funeral of her husband of 50 years, and this was not my Mother's nature as I knew her to be while growing up in such a loving and nurturing home.
I panicked, became depressed, angry, furious at times and worn down from the events that were spinning so fast that I felt like I was lost in the world and no one was caring about it. Making the decisions and reorganizing the life of someone I love so dearly and thought would always be there for me when I needed comfort and care is, at best to say, an adjustment.
The tables of time have turned on me, throwing me into a tailspin of chaos and fear of the changes in my life as I knew. When I would be impatient, she would become nervous. When I would be angry and frustrated, she would show the same emotions and lash out at me. This was not working well for me or her. I called in re-enforcement of my siblings to help us out. I would call to tell them and explain to them of "our day" and ask for help with whatever decisions needed to be made at the time. As the days of adjustment were sinking in and settling into place, I was able to research and concentrate more on how I can cope and deal with our lives. So now, when Mother shows her aggressions, I take her hand gently, look her straight in the eyes and tell her with tears and compassion, "I love you, Mom". Then we would both calm down from the frustrations that were attacking us. I could then begin to breathe and relax with her.
You see, I had to come to the understanding, through much reading and gleaning from resources of this afflicting and degenerating disease, that she also is feeling those same feelings that I was experiencing, but she doesn't understand why or how to deal with them. She can't show tears of grief or laughter. All of her compassionate emotions are hidden deep within her soul, but they are there, because she is that wonderful and loving Mother that I remember her as a young child. It is now my duty and responsibility, with love and compassion, to not only see to her physical needs but to also feed her soul.
It's a learning experience and a never ending one for me. Day to day tasks are challenging, emotions of the days are always changing as well, but I am becoming more knowledgeable and understanding of these changes and knowing that each day is a "New Day" and learning that education and love along with compassion conquers all fear and darkness of the unknown.
Rainbow
